No folks, this isn't some sad love story about some unrequited love that never happened. It's the story of the first time I met my one true love, and yet my mortal enemy, Goldschläger.
I'd been on a week long Jack binge. That mixed with cheap beer had let me to make a lot of irresponsible decisions over the course of those seven days, and I had decided it was about time to take a break from the sauce and move on to a more sober lifestyle. And the best way to do that? Drink myself sober of course!
I had recently met my girlfriend at the time, we'll call her Nurse Bitch (long story). Well Nurse Bitch worked at what some would call the best sports bar in the world, Buffalo Wild Wings, or just BDubs. So occasionally she would frequent it for drinks, and so would we. She got discounts so it was nice.
Well this particular night, which I think might have been someone's birthday, I had a few too many (again). I was drinking angry balls, which if you don't know, is an Angry Orchard with a shot of Fireball in it.
Protip: Angry is love. Angry ball is life.
Well when we were done at BDubs, I was far from sober. I was also far from done for the night. We decided to have some more "sober" fun and go to a karaoke bar. For those of you that have never been to a karaoke bar, you should know that it's just as much BAR as it is KARAOKE.
I'd been here many times before, but this time was different. This time, a new bottle on the shelf caught my eye. I saw the gold flakes, I saw the foiled label, I saw the clear liquid of the gods inside. I had heard so much about Goldschläger, but I had never had it. Until now.
I call the bartender by name, and ask for a shot, and a beer. she brings them to me, I pay and don't tip a dime out of excitement. I throw back the first shot of Goldschläger ever, and I'm in heaven. The next two hours are a blur of Goldschläger and horrible karaoke songs, mostly by others, but admittedly I sang a few.
Once 2:30 rolls around and the bar closes, I'm too drunk to drive. Thankfully I planned ahead and designated my girlfriend as my sober driver. I don't bat an eye when I hand her my keys knowing full well she was probably as drunk as I was, maybe even more!
So she had been to my house many times before, and knew the way pretty well by now, so she shouldn't have had a problem finding it. Shouldn't. I remember flashes of myself puking out of my passenger side truck window, and looking at my gps trying to fins my way home. and the next thing I know I had blacked out, lovely.
Well eventually I came to, and it took a minute for the situation and my location to register in my head. I was In the passenger seat of my truck, I smelled like vomit, and Nurse Bitch was passed out at the wheel. We were parked at an empty bank, in a town I didn't recognize. I walked into a gas station across the road to piss and ask the attendant where I was, I don't remember the town name, but somehow I had managed to make it to the other side of the damned state and park in a bank parking lot.
Needless to say, never let a woman drive your truck after karaoke.
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