So migrating away from my usual story type, this one didn't actually happen to me, it happened to one of my closest friends named Batman a few years back.
The night started with a few friends headed out to the karaoke bar. Something you have to understand about Batman, is that he's a fan of interesting people. Well that night he was destined to meet one of the most interesting people in his life. If you're reading this Batman, this ones for you and all those drunks nights in my garage.
Upon arriving to the karaoke bar, Batman starts mingling with all the drunk idiots. He himself fitting in quite nicely, as he was just as awkward as them. Sober. One of his females friends, who's name Isn't important, notices some chick walk in with blue hair. Interesting Personality? He definitely thought so!
After a bit, Batman decides it's about time for a smoke, so he heads outside and sparks up, met by no other than, you guessed it, the blue haired girl. Now an interesting fact about Batman, the moment a female enters the near vicinity he loses his ability to think, speak, and basically operate in any normal manner. This can best be explained by the following conversation:
Batman's friend: I don't mean to sound weird, but I LOVE your tits!
Blue haired chick: Oh thank you! Wanna touch em?
(^^^Red Flag^^^)
Batman's friend: Oh no thank you.
Blue haired chick: *turns to batman* what about you?
Batman: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh *drools and babbles uncontrollably*
Batman: Boy do I!!!
Well after a few moments of feeling up this blue haired chick with obvious daddy issues, Batman starts talking to her, and eventually gets her number, GO BATMAN! Well they text for a while when he finds out she has a boyfriend, damn. So naturally, he decides to play the friend game, and wait till they break up, and as luck would have it, they do. She calls him one night and invites him over.
Well Batman hops in his shitty car and speeds over there. To fully understand this experience, you would have to see the car, Batman can you send me a picture of that old thing for our readers? I'll post it in the next few days.
Upon arrival, Batman decides NOT to make a move on her in her weakened state, and instead just be there for her. Well somehow this worked, because a few days later, she calls him up as a late night booty call!
Batman arrives at her house yet again, but this time with a different pace, a different intent. They start making out and doing things that adults do, then head to the bedroom. Well before I go any further, there's something about Batman that you need to know to really understand. See, Batman has a weak stomache. And because of this, he vomits at random times, for no reason.
Well In the middle of doing the dirty, Batman decides to do something he never done before, which leads to the following dialogue:
Batman: Hey, Can I put it in your ass?
Blue Haired Chick: Sure of course!
(^^^Red Flag^^^)
So what does he do? He shoves it in about as fast and hard as one possibly could without inducing friction burn. Hell maybe she did get friction burn I don't know. Well after a few minutes of that she stops him and says she doesn't feel good, and all Batman can think is, "Oh hell yah I'm gonna see her puke before she sees me puke!" WRONG!
You ever seen a champagne cork on New Years? Now picture what happened when Batman pulled out. Yeah, that happened.
She started crying, he started crying, so he decided to take a shower. This man, lord have mercy on him, found CORN IN HIS BELLY BUTTON! To this day, Batman can't eat corn, hell he cant even drink corn whiskey. Damn shame, he was a fine drinking of some JD No. 7
No comments:
Post a Comment